Love and Relationships
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Dealing With Abuse Is Not A "One Size Fits All" Solution
they were booked. Then I began calling private attorneys everyone was pretty matter of fact. The first questions were about resources, net worth, what was my current financial status. And unless I had twenty-five hundred dollars for a retainer when I walked in, they wouldn"t help me. So I decided to call around to the various churches for direction. I found them very supportive and helpful. After dinner that evening Robert called and demanded to speak with me. "She"s not here," my father said. Robert kept calling and when my father had had enough, he blew. "Listen, you call here again and I will call the police. Stay away from me and my family." After the children were asleep, my parents and I resumed our conversation and we discussed what I wanted to do and what was best for all concerned. It was a blessing that my parents were willing to do anything they could to help me, and for the first time I didn"t feel alone. The next day, someone from a church office returned my call. I was asked so many questions, I felt confused. There seemed to be so much to do that I wasn"t aware of because I had never been in this situation before. That afternoon, I scheduled an appointment with an attorney recommened by a local church. ROBERT"S RIGHTS The first thing the attorney did was to take pictures of me with an instant camera. Then he explained my legal options and alternatives. He also tried to prepare me for what might happen. He suggested that this was not going to be easy, I wasn"t going to just be able to get rid of this man and throw him out of my life. He said Robert had rights too even though he"s committed a crime. The attorney wanted me to understand that because we had children, Robert had a right to be a part of their lives. And that even if I had sole custody, Robert, under the law, had a right to visitation. Then after we finished our meeting the attorney asked if I would pray with him. I was very confused, but for the first time I felt God"s presence with me. All of this seemed as though it was happening so fast. The attorney suggested that because I didn"t have an Emergency Order of Protection that we fill out the paperwork in his office, head over to the court building and get one now. He indicated that we would have no problem based on my injuries and police reports. I was so scared. I had never set foot in a coutroom before; it was cold and smelled like damp, musty wood. It was nothing like you see on television, except the "All rise" when the judge enters the courtroom. When my name was called, my attorney gently guided me by the arm and we went in front of the judge. My attorney spoke first. "Your honor I"m... representing my client, Jennifer Serpico. As you can see before you judge, my client has been badly beaten. We are here today to obtain an emergency order of protection for she and the children. In addition, we ask the court to grant temporary custody to Mrs.Serpico pending the outcome of a divorce, your honor." Then the judge spoke, "Clerk, swear in the witness." "Raise your right hand..do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" "I do," I replied. Then the clerk held up a piece of paper and asked if that was my signature. "Yes," I stated. Then for the record I was asked to state my name, address and age. The judge asked me to briefly explain what happened. When my attorney told the judge it was in the paperwork before him, the judge told him to be quiet and asked me to answer the question. I tried to explain, but I couldn"t. I lost it and began crying. Slam, went the judge"s gavel. "The court will take a brief recess while the witness composes herself." "I"m sorry," I told my attorney." Did I make him angry?" "No,"in a gentle voice he replied," just calm down and we"ll try again." When the court was called back to order the judge reappeared from the side door of the court. He looked down at me. "Are we ready to proceed"? "Yes your honor," I replied. I tried taking a few deep breaths in between sentences to explain what Robert had done and that I was in fear for my life. When I finished the judge spoke. "The court finds in favor of granting Mrs. Serpico an emergency order of protection based on the witness"s testimony and physical injuries apparent before this court. The court further orders that the witness be granted temporary custody of the minor children. Next return date in 21 days. Good luck." Then he tapped his gavel and the court person called the next case. When I asked why we had to return back to court the attorney explained that Robert would have to appear before the judge and my order would then be renewed depending on the circumstances of my case. There was so much I wanted to ask, but I didn"t want to take any more of my attorney"s time and most of all I didn"t want to appear stupid. ROBERT RETURNS A few days later Robert appeared at my parents" house, demanding to speak with me. My father refused to let him in the house. The following night my parents and I were awakened by a large noise outside. When I peeked out the upstairs bedroom window, I spotted Robert"s car down the street. I began screaming, "It"s Robert, he"s back." My father ordered us to stay in the house and to contact the police. You could hear my father having it out on the front lawn with Robert. It was also obvious that Robert had been drinking. When my father turned around to go back in the house, we heard a loud noise like a car backfiring. Then all was quiet. I called 911 again, trying to get assistance. I heard my mother whisper to stay put. When the police arrived, they found my father unconscious lying with a bullet wound to his back. Robert was nowhere in sight. The police immediately put out an all points bulletin on the radio. They were throwing so many questions at us. They wanted a description of Robert, the car, what we saw. Several minutes later a call for backup came over the police radio. It sounded like they had Robert in sight going 90 miles an hour on the state highway. You could hear the chase like a made for television movie. It sounded like several cars were in pursuit of my husband all at one time. When the ambulance came, my mother went with my father to the hospital. An hour or so later a squad car pulled up to the house. The officer approached me, "Mrs. Serpico?" "Yes," I replied. "We"re checking, but we believe we"ve located Robert Serpico. We"ll know in just a few minutes." The following day, the doctors took my father off the critical list and moved him to a regular room. I was still in shock with the news that Robert was dead. According to the police, while in pursuit of Robert who was going at a high speed, his car went out of control, sliding off the road and over a bridge. He was pronounced dead at the scene. Even though he was gone, the memory of the violence and the anger I felt were still inside of me. You would think it just goes away, but it doesn"t. I learned that I had to deal with all of this. That meant there had to be a conclusion to all of this. It"s taken over a year through therapy just to get past the violence and why he did this. I still have a long way to go and with the assistance of professional counseling there is hope that I will recover and begin again to rebuild my life. Patricia"s story ends with the tragic death of her husband, but she still has much to grieve from the abuse she received as well as his death. She has since remarried and volunteers at a local women"s shelter. HOW YOU CAN HELP The most important thing you can do for a friend or family member who"s being abused is to let the person know you care. They need to know that you are there for them, no matter what. If you see signs or specific behavior patterns in a loved one or friend, you cannot look away. Here are some things to be alert to. Is she: *Not coming to family gatherings or outings? *Making excuses for not showing up when they"re expected? *Wearing clothes that hide arms and legs during hot weather. *Appearing irritable or depressed? *Talking about trouble in the relationship? *Openly admitting emotional, physical or sexual abuse? These are all signs of abuse. If someone is trying to reach out to you for help, don"t pass it off as a one time incident. Abuse is against the law; these are not accidents, they are crimes. If you choose to ignore appeals for help, she could be killed, and there will be no more choices to make, except to pick up the pieces. Listen to the person who comes to you for assistance or advice. Don"t judge her. Do not minimize the extent of what she says is going on. Abuse is not a "One Size Fits All" Solution. Like our own fingerprints no two cases of abuse are the same. Our society does not make it okay for anyone to say "I need help" or I am a victim of abuse or a broken relationship", when there is so much contempt for weakness and submissiveness. The names, addresses and telephone numbers of programs and agencies who assist victims of domestic violence are located in your phone book under social service agencies. Or you can search the internet. Sit down at the kitchen table with her, take paper and pen and help her with a safety plan or to set goals. Let her know you will help and support her in every way. If you know someone who is being abused, but you are fearful of confronting that person, send them information anonymously. Don"t look the other way. Do something!Pages: 1 [2]